dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
