omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
