:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
