Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
