Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
