sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
