The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
