Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
