she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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