Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
