It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
