i don't like sucking hair
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
