I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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