i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
