I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
