you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
