He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
