Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
