I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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