I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
