If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
