I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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