Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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