If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
