This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
