He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
