Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
