glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
