Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
