I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
