New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
