I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
