life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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