i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
