I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
