Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
