I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
