People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
