dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
