Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
