Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
