how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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