I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
