I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
