I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So gin and wine won't be happening again
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
