She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
