I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
