kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
