One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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