he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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